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The Cyber Narcissist
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By Sam Vaknin
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To the narcissist, the Internet is an alluring and irresistiblecombination of playground and hunting grounds, the gatheringplace of numerous potential Sources of Narcissistic Supply, aworld where false identities are the norm and mind games the bonton. And it is beyond the reach of the law, the pale of socialnorms, the strictures of civilized conduct.
The somatic finds cyber-sex and cyber-relationships aplenty. Thecerebral claims false accomplishments, fake skills, eruditionand talents. Both, if minimally communicative, end up at theinstantly gratifying epicenter of a cult of fans, followers,stalkers, erotomaniacs, denigrators, and plain nuts. Theconstant attention and attendant quasi-celebrity feed andsustain their grandiose fantasies and inflated self-image.
The Internet is an extension of the real-life NarcissisticPathological Space but without its risks, injuries, anddisappointments. In the virtual universe of the Web, thenarcissist vanishes and reappears with ease, often adopting amyriad aliases and nicknames. He (or she) can thus fend offcriticism, abuse, disagreement, and disapproval effectively andin real time 每 and, simultaneously, preserve the precariousbalance of his infantile personality. Narcissists are,therefore, prone to Internet addiction.
The positive characteristics of the Net are largely lost on thenarcissist. He is not keen on expanding his horizons, fosteringtrue relationships, or getting in real contact with otherpeople. The narcissist is forever the provincial because hefilters everything through the narrow lens of his addiction. Hemeasures others 每 and idealizes or devalues them 每 according toone criterion only: how useful they might be as Sources ofNarcissistic Supply.
The Internet is an egalitarian medium where people are judged bythe consistency and quality of their contributions rather thanby the content or bombast of their claims. But the narcissist isdriven to distracting discomfiture by a lack of clear andcommonly accepted hierarchy (with himself at the pinnacle). Hefervently and aggressively tries to impose the "natural order" 每either by monopolizing the interaction or, if that fails, bybecoming a major disruptive influence.
But the Internet may also be the closest many narcissists get topsychodynamic therapy. Because it is still largely text-based,the Web is populated by disembodied entities. By interactingwith these intermittent, unpredictable, ultimately unknowable,ephemeral, and ethereal voices 每 the narcissist is compelled toproject unto them his own experiences, fears, hopes, andprejudices.
Transference (and counter-transference) are quite common on theNet and the narcissist's defence mechanisms 每 notably projectionand projective identification 每 are frequently aroused. Thetherapeutic process is set in motion by the 每 unbridled,uncensored, and brutally honest - reactions to the narcissist'srepertory of antics, pretensions, delusions, and fantasies.
The narcissist 每 ever the intimidating bully 每 is not accustomedto such resistance. Initially, it may heighten and sharpen hisparanoia and lead him to compensate by extending and deepeninghis grandiosity. Some narcissists withdraw altogether, revertingto the schizoid posture. Others become openly antisocial andseek to subvert, sabotage, and destroy the online sources oftheir frustration. A few retreat and confine themselves to thecompany of adoring sycophants and unquestioning groupies.
But a long exposure to the culture of the Net 每 irreverent,skeptical, and populist 每 usually exerts a beneficial effecteven on the staunchest and most rigid narcissist. Far lessconvinced of his own superiority and infallibility, the onlinenarcissist mellows and begins 每 hesitantly 每 to listen to othersand to collaborate with them.
First published in my "Narcissistic Personality Disorder" TopicPage on Suite 101
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