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Gender and the Narcissist
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By Sam Vaknin
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Question:
Are female narcissists any different? You seem to talk onlyabout male narcissists!
Answer:
I keep using the male third person singular because mostnarcissists (75%) are males and more so because there is littledifference between the male and female narcissists.
In the manifestation of their narcissism, female and malenarcissists, inevitably, do tend to differ. They emphasisedifferent things. They transform different elements of theirpersonalities and of their lives into the cornerstones of theirdisorder.
Women concentrate on their body (many also suffer from eatingdisorders: Anorexia Nervosa and Bulimia Nervosa). They flauntand exploit their physical charms, their sexuality, theirsocially and culturally determined "femininity". They securetheir Narcissistic Supply through their more traditional genderrole: the home, children, suitable careers, their husbands ("thewife of＃"), their feminine traits, their role in society, etc.
It is no wonder than narcissists 每 both men and women 每 arechauvinistic and conservative. They depend to such an extent onthe opinions of people around them 每 that, with time, they aretransformed into ultra-sensitive seismographs of public opinion,barometers of prevailing social fashions, and guardians ofconformity. The narcissist cannot afford to seriously alienatehis "constituency", those people who reflect his False Self backto him. The very proper and on-going functioning of thenarcissist's Ego depends on the goodwill and the collaborationof his human environment.
True, besieged and consumed by pernicious guilt feelings 每 manya narcissist finally seek to be punished. The self-destructivenarcissist then plays the role of the "bad guy" (or "bad girl").But even then it is within the traditional socially allocatedroles. To ensure social opprobrium (read: attention), thenarcissist exaggerates these roles to a caricature.
A woman is likely to label herself a "whore" and a malenarcissist to self-style himself a "vicious, unrepentantcriminal". Yet, these again are traditional social roles. Menare likely to emphasise intellect, power, aggression, money, orsocial status. Women are likely to emphasise body, looks, charm,sexuality, feminine "traits", homemaking, children andchildrearing 每 even as they seek their masochistic punishment.
Another difference is in the way the genders react to treatment.Women are more likely to resort to therapy because they are morelikely to admit to psychological problems. But while men may beless inclined to DISCLOSE or to expose their problems to others(the macho-man factor) 每 it does not necessarily imply that theyare less prone to admit it to themselves. Women are also morelikely to ask for help than men.
Yet, the prime rule of narcissism must never be forgotten: thenarcissist uses everything around him or her to obtain his (orher) Narcissistic Supply. Children happen to be more attached tothe female narcissist due to the way our society is stillstructured and to the fact that women are the ones to givebirth. It is easier for a woman to think of her children as herextensions because they once indeed were her physical extensionsand because her on-going interaction with them is both moreintensive and more extensive.
This means that the male narcissist is more likely to regard hischildren as a nuisance than as a source of rewarding NarcissistSupply 每 especially as they grow older and become autonomous.Devoid of the diversity of alternatives available to men 每 thenarcissistic woman fights to maintain her most reliable Sourceof Supply: her children. Through insidious indoctrination, guiltformation, emotional sanctions, deprivation and otherpsychological mechanisms, she tries to induce in them adependence, which cannot be easily unravelled.
But, there is no psychodynamic difference between children,money, or intellect, as Sources of Narcissistic Supply. So,there is no psychodynamic difference between male and femalenarcissist. The only difference is in their choices of Sourcesof Narcissistic Supply.
An interesting side issue relates to transsexuals.
Philosophically, there is little difference between a narcissistwho seeks to avoid his True Self (and positively to become hisFalse Self) 每 and a transsexual who seeks to discard his truegender. But this similarity, though superficially appealing, isquestionable.
People sometimes seek sex reassignment because of advantages andopportunities which, they believe, are enjoyed by the other sex.This rather unrealistic (fantastic) view of the other is faintlynarcissistic. It includes elements of idealised over-valuation,of self-preoccupation, and of objectification of one's self. Itdemonstrates a deficient ability to empathise and some grandiosesense of entitlement ("I deserve to have the bestopportunities/advantages") and omnipotence ("I can be whatever Iwant to be 每 despite nature/God").
This feeling of entitlement is especially manifest in somegender dysphoric individuals who aggressively pursue hormonal orsurgical treatment. They feel that it is their inalienable rightto receive it on demand and without any strictures orrestrictions. For instance, they oftentimes refuse to undergopsychological evaluation or treatment as a condition for thehormonal or surgical treatment.
It is interesting to note that both narcissism and genderdysphoria are early childhood phenomena. This could be explainedby problematic Primary Objects, dysfunctional families, or acommon genetic or biochemical problem. It is too early to saywhich. As yet, there isn't even an agreed typology of genderidentity disorders 每 let alone an in-depth comprehension oftheir sources.
There are mental disorders, which afflict a specific sex moreoften. This has to do with hormonal or other physiologicaldispositions, with social and cultural conditioning through thesocialisation process, and with role assignment through thegender differentiation process. None of these seem to bestrongly correlated to the formation of malignant narcissism.The Narcissistic Personality Disorder (as opposed, for instance,to the Borderline or the Histrionic Personality Disorders, whichafflict women more than men) seems to conform to social moresand to the prevailing ethos of capitalism. Social thinkers likeLasch speculated that modern American culture 每 a narcissistic,self-centred one 每 increases the rate of incidence of theNarcissistic Personality Disorder. As Kernberg observed:
"The most I would be willing to say is that society can makeserious psychological abnormalities, which already exist in somepercentage of the population, seem to be at least superficiallyappropriate."
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Quotes from the Literature
"Specifically, past research suggests that exploitive tendenciesand open displays of feelings of entitlement will be lessintegral to narcissism for females than for males. For femalessuch displays may carry a greater possibility of negative socialsanctions because they would violate stereotypical gender-roleexpectancies for women, who are expected to engage in suchpositive social behavior as being tender, compassionate, warm,sympathetic, sensitive, and understanding.
In females, Exploitiveness/Entitlement is less well-integratedwith the other components of narcissism as measured by theNarcissistic Personality Inventory (NPI) - Leadership/Authority,Self-absorption/Self-admiration, and Superiority/Arrogance- thanin males - though 'male and female narcissists in general showedstriking similarities in the manner in which most of the facetsof narcissism were integrated with each other'."
Gender differences in the structure of narcissism: amulti-sample analysis of the narcissistic personality inventory- Brian T. Tschanz, Carolyn C. Morf, Charles W. Turner - SexRoles: A Journal of Research - Issue: May, 1998
"Women leaders are evaluated negatively if they exercise theirauthority and are perceived as autocratic."
Eagly, A. H., Makhijani, M. G., & Klonsky, B. G. (1992). Genderand the evaluation of leaders: A meta-analysis. PsychologicalBulletin, 111, 3-22, and ...
Butler, D., & Gels, F. L. (1990). Nonverbal affect responses tomale and female leaders: Implications for leadershipevaluations. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 58,48-59.
"Competent women must also appear to be sociable and likable inorder to influence men - men must only appear to be competent toachieve the same results with both genders."
Carli, L. L., Lafleur, S. J., & Loeber, C. C. (1995). Nonverbalbehavior, gender, and influence. Journal of Personality andSocial Psychology, 68, 1030-1041.
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