|
Need the Perfect Gift for a Hard-to-Please Teen? Try a Black
Belt
|
By Mark Kennedy
[Hits: 28160]
|
|
Copyright 2005 by Mark Kennedy www.harmoniouswarrior.com
Oh, I know you can't give someone a black belt, any more than
you can give them a high school diploma or a college degree. But
you can give them a nudge in the right direction along with the
financial resources to make the journey. And the martial arts
journey is a secret dream of a surprising number of teens and
preteens. So if you're looking for the perfect gift for a
hard-to-please teen or 'tween'; if you want something they'll
like which will also help them (and maybe you!) through a tough
stage of their life, give them a martial arts membership!
It doesn't need to be extravagant, such as paying a whole year's
dues. Three months, one month, or even one or two introductory
lessons will do. After all, the quest for a black belt will take
a few years, and can only be sustained through the internal
motivation of the individual. No external motivation is going to
last. But if the way is mapped out, if they are gently bumped
into taking the first step, and if the destination is made
tangible, they are more likely to begin. The complex chore of
finding a school, talking to the adults there, breaking the news
to parents or friends, and then getting the money together, can
make it too overwhelming a task to attempt. If all this
groundwork is done for them, though, a teen is much more likely
at least to give it a try.
And there are solid reasons that go far deeper than the clich¨¦d
list we've all heard: discipline, self-defense, higher
self-esteem, etc. Yes, with a good school and instructor, these
can be true. But why? How? Here are seven can't-miss benefits of
the martial arts.
Can't-Miss Benefit #1: A healthy alternative to electronics
Martial arts practice is a fun, healthy, natural hobby. It makes
a good alternative to kids living inside a video game, computer,
television screen or cell phone. The martial arts get kids up,
moving, and noticing the world around them (actually a
requirement, since awareness is 90% of self-defense). I won't
trot out the statistics and details about child and adolescent
illnesses, as in the areas of obesity, diabetes, ADD/ADHD, etc.
You've heard them. But whatever concerns you may have for a
teen's health--or their future health given present
habits--practicing the martial arts is a good antidote. Martial
arts practice (even home practice): helps to even out moods,
especially important for teens who feel emotional highs and lows
so passionately, and whose hormones are often raging (MA also
produces endorphins); speeds up metabolism, which burns excess
calories; acts as a natural anti-drug/alcohol agent (it's
impossible to advance much in the arts when doing drugs or
drinking); builds flexibility, endurance, and strength;
increases red blood cell production; and lowers blood pressure.
And this is only the tip of the iceberg.
Can't-Miss Benefit #2: Increased respect for self and others
Many kids, for a plethora of reasons, don't believe they are
entitled to be respected and appreciated just for who they
are--for being themselves. Almost all kids have been teased by
peers at some point about a 'flaw', which turns into
self-consciousness and can grow out of all proportion in the
kid's own mind. This lack of self-respect and self-appreciation
if left unchecked over time can manifest as either anger, or
feelings of insufficiency. Through good martial arts instruction
in a positive atmosphere, teens learn that they are neither more
nor less 'flawed' than anyone else. This healthy sense of self,
that to be normal is not to be perfect, is an important element
in the development and maturation of teens and preteens.
Can't-Miss Benefit #3: Learning to earn their way There is a
dangerous trend underway in many kids' basic outlook on life:
that they are entitled to something for little or nothing. This
attitude may be caused either by things coming to them too
easily, or by things being too difficult. Perhaps they may feel
like failures in one or more areas of their young lives: school,
socially, sports, dating, or maybe embarrassment over some
family or home situation (e.g., not as rich as the 'rich' kids;
not as poor as the 'cool' kids). Over time, I've become
convinced that the more kids find themselves feeling on the outs
from success, the more shortcuts will seem acceptable, even
normal; and then the more easily they will give up on earning
their way. I believe that as these teens work toward and earn
martial arts achievements, they learn they can be successful the
old fashioned way. They don't need shortcuts. They are capable.
They learn to earn their way, and this instills confidence and
pride of achievement.
Can't-Miss Benefit # 4: A rite of passage Many indigenous
cultures have rituals established whereby young people can prove
they have earned the right to be seen as adults. Our 'advanced'
society has a gap here, especially for those teens extremely at
risk of not transitioning into mainstream society. That is,
those with little hope of on-time high school graduation, no
vocational apprenticeship or schooling awaiting them, or little
chance of or desire for college entrance, also have little hope
of proving their worth to peers and adults. That is, they have
no access to a culturally approved rite of passage into
adulthood. This creates a vacuum during a very critical
time/stage of life. Unfortunately, those who can find no
traditional, socially-acceptable way to make this passage, may
turn to such things as tagging/party crews or even gangs (with
their initiation ceremonies), girls to pregnancy (proof of
womanhood), boys to impregnating someone (proof of manhood), and
either gender to 'anti-approval' (vandalism, wreaking havoc in
classes or at home, body piercings/ tattoos/bizarre hair and
clothing styles). Earning their way up the belt ranking
system--ideally all the way to black belt--offers a powerful
rite-of-passage alternative for our teens and tweens.
Can't-Miss Benefit #5: Team work and etiquette Many kids have
had to scrabble for respect from peers, have been teased as
mentioned earlier, have had to compromise their true feelings in
order to fit in, or have struggled and perhaps been made to feel
inadequate in school. Any one of these situations can cause them
by the preteen/teen years to have adopted an 'each one for
himself/herself, and forget the rest' survival mentality.
Martial arts instruction and practice generally requires either
a whole-class or two-person team format. In both cases, each
student necessarily takes responsibility for the well-being of
classmates and partners. To do less when practicing potentially
dangerous techniques, would put others--who have become their
friends--at risk. Wholesome martial arts instruction naturally
counteracts any me-first attitude.
Can't-Miss Benefit #6: Increased safety in a dangerous world
While there is obviously nothing that can guarantee that our
kids will always be safe and protected, the one who is better
prepared will better respond to a sudden, dangerous situation,
or even better handle a verbal assault or provocation. Stories
abound of teenagers, many of them girls, who have fought off
grown men attempting to attack them or family members. Again,
this is not guaranteed to happen, but it is much more likely for
those who have trained and prepared, mentally and physically.
Can't-Miss Benefit #7: Personal empowerment The martial arts
paradox is that those who know how to fight rarely need to do
so. Learning to defend oneself takes away the need to 'prove'
ones toughness on the street, in the classroom, or at home.
Learning martial arts is a counterweight to violence. In my
almost 20 years of working with kids full time, I've found that
bullies are often past victims of bullying; abusers are past
victims of abuse; etc. So, we can promote the health of the kid
who becomes a martial artist, as well as making them a beacon of
anti-violence for their peers. In a sense, the presence of
someone who refuses to become either bully or bullied, is a
powerful force for their friends, acquaintances, siblings and
classmates.
A personal note from my wife: How to find the right
school/instructor This topic really deserves a separate article,
but my wife, an early-childhood specialist concerned for all
children and parents, gently hinted that it would be less than
helpful to leave you without some guidelines on how to choose a
martial arts program. I have studied four Asian arts seriously
over a dozen years in probably 8-10 settings, and have seen the
best and the worst of schools and instructors. Here is how I
would distill that experience and advise you to begin. * How do
you feel when you walk out the door of the studio for the first
time--not what do you think, but how do you feel? Is it the
right one or not? * Is the would-be instructor for your teen a
good fit? Or is he/she too demanding? Too sloppy? Too macho? Too
competitive? Too young/old? * Are the promises they make
realistic, or are they trying too hard to sell you? And how long
have they been there? You don't want a place that closes its
doors as your teen is halfway to black belt. * Is there a good
balance between teaching self-defense (will it work?) and having
fun? * Will it promote health if your teen continues for years,
even decades, or will it wear down joints--is it too
youth-oriented, too dependent on external strength/size, or is
it an art that can be practiced by anyone for a lifetime?
A kid's thrill at having a chance at a life-long dream--earning
a black belt--may be the solution to your gift-giving dilemma,
and your gift may have far-reaching benefits for someone you
care about. I hope that if you've been wrestling with what to
give a hard-to-please teen or tween, this article may help you
to nudge them toward beginning a lifelong journey to better
health, self-awareness and understanding, compassion and
confidence. _______
Tags: Teens and preteens, black belt, health, self defense,
martial arts, growth and development, learning
A NOTE FOR PUBLISHERS AND EDITORS: You have permission to
publish this article electronically or in print, free of charge,
as long as the byline and signature box at the end is included.
Please send a courtesy copy to the author.
Word Count: 1680
|
|
|
|
