Nancy Kalish, Ph.D. is the author of Lost & Found Lovers,\ra book about her research on people who go back to lost \rloves. She has been doing this work for 11 years, and has\ra web site, www,lostlovers.com, with a discussion board.\rNow she has completed a new survey of adults who have\rnot tried a reunion with a lost love. Her findings suggest\rthat men may be more "romantic" than women.

We too often define "romantic" in women's terms -- the \rflowers and cards, saving items and putting them in a\rscrapbook or listening to romantic songs all day long.

The men may not do these things, but they do something\rmore romantic than all that:

Dr. Kalish's survey asked "how long did it take for you to get\rover your lost love?' The men tended to take longer to get\rover a lost love than the women. And some of the men \rwere not satisfied with the survey choices.. The last choice \rlisted was, "Over 10 years."Only the men crossed out all the\rchoices and wrote, "I never got over her." While no doubt \rsome women never got over their lost loves either, only the\rmen wrote this comment in the margins.

Adolescent boys are not supposed to cry for a lost love. But\rmany of Dr. Kalish's male participants cried hard, in private, \rnightly...for months.

This is not just a reunion phenomenon. Dr. Kalish is finding\rthe same results in her First Love experience survey - for \radults who have never tried a reunion with a lost love. There\rare significantly more men who chose to answer this survey \rthan women, and they express strong feelings for their first \rloves, even though they have not contacted her (and may \rnever do so).

Members of Dr. Kalish's web site, who are permitted to \rpost messages, seem to be more represented by women\rthan men. But Kalish warns that appearances are \rmisleading. There are slightly more men who paid to join\rthan women. The men don't post as often as the women

-- but they are reading!

Men are less likely to initiate leaving their marriages \rthan women, and over the last few years, there is little \rdifference between the number of men who have affairs \rversus the number of women. As more women entered \rthe workplace, they found the same temptations there.

Dr. Kalish also offers private phone consultations. Men \rmore often want to talk to her about their lost loves than\rwomen.

But it is a rare magazine that is pitched to men that will\rprint a story about love and romance. The media think men\rare uninterested. Not so!

As Valentine's Day approaches, we should all remember that\rmen express themselves differently -- and that does not mean\rworse than -- women. If women want men to open up, says\rKalish, they have to take men on their own terms, not try to\rmake them express their feelings like a woman would.

Men may not make scrapbooks of their love experiences, but\rthey are every bit as loving, loyal, and yes, romantic, as \rwomen.

You have permission to publish this article electronically\ror in print, free of charge, as long as the bylines are \rincluded. Please notify me of your intention to print. A\rcourtesy copy of your publication would be appreciated.

Nancy Kalish, Ph.D. is a psychology professor at California State \rUniv. and the author of Lost & Found Lovers. She is the \rinternational expert on rekindled romances, lost loves, and \rfirst love, and has appeared on Oprah, 20/20, NPR, CNN, and \rMontel, to name a few. Her research has been discussed in Dear\rAbby, Redbook, The Chicago Tribune, Parade, and Men's Health,\ramong many others. Her popular web site is http://www.lostlovers.com.\rShe can be reached at nancykalish@lostlovers.com