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Make Your Fundraising Letters Personal With The Right Pronouns
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By Alan Sharpe
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How do you take a mass-mailing fundraising letter and make itsound personal? By using the right pronouns, ones that nurturethe bond that you have with your donors.
The mistake to avoid is referring to your organization as afaceless organization, such as "Spencer College wants you to . .." or "Mt. Sinai Hospital has a new . . ." Letters written inthat style sound institutional and impersonal. Here is anexample of what I mean, taken from the book Direct MailFundraising Letters That Work, by Robert L. Torre and Mary AnneBendixen:
IMPERSONAL: Winthrop-University Hospital provides the communitywith the best health care.
PERSONAL: When you and your loved ones need medical attention,Winthrop-University Hospital is ready to serve you.
The first example refers to "the community," which isimpersonal. The second example mentions "you," "your" and "you,"establishing a personal connection with the donor.
Another way to sound personal is to identify with the donor'sworld or to have the donor identify with yours. Instead ofsaying "we want our supporters to write to their member ofparliament about the Federal Gun Registry," you could say, "Ishare your concerns about the Federal Gun Registry. That's why Iwant you to join us in writing to your member of parliament."
To encourage your donors to identify with your world, usepronouns that communicate commonality. For example, you couldrefer to your clients as "the homeless people of New York City."But that sounds as cold as they usually are. Another way ofwriting that is to refer to "the homeless people of our city."
Using the right pronouns (you, your, we and others) in yourappeal letters helps you build relationships and retain yourdonors, even when you mail your letters to thousands of donorsthat you do not know personally.
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