I keep a box of tissues on the table where I tutor because, \ras an SAT tutor and college application consultant, I listen to \rhigh school juniors and seniors who are so overwhelmed \rby college pressure that they begin to cry. Not just girls. Not \rjust Ivy League aspirants.

High school students are always convinced their parents \rdon¡¯t understand them. This time the students are right. \rParents don¡¯t understand because the college admission \rprocess is so much more competitive than it was when \rmost parents applied to college.

These are the ten things I wish I could tell parents:

1. I am convinced that parents have to walk a mile in the \rstudent¡¯s moccasins to gain some appreciation for the \rstress the students are under and to reverse the tension at \rhome. If parents will take an SAT practice test they will feel \rsome of the same anxiety, cringe at their results, and \rdiscover that the test is hard. Instead of piling 25 pounds of \rSAT study books on the desk, parents can commiserate \rwith students over missed problems. Parents and students \rcan become allies rather than adversaries as they face the \rcollege admission process.

2. Hire SAT prep tutors who focus on the applicable \racademic material rather than just the tricks. Increasing a \rstudent¡¯s academic preparation for the test in addition to \rteaching the tricks increases their confidence on the test \rand in the classroom; teaching only the tricks makes \rstudents more insecure because they are relying on tricks \rrather than on actual knowledge.

3. Have the tutors keep the parents informed about each \rsession so that the parent tracks progress with the tutor \rrather than pestering the student for information.

4. Have the student try the ACT. All colleges accept it and \rsome students do better on it than on the SAT.

5. Make learning fun. For example, have the students \rmemorize vocabulary using the book Vocabulary Cartoons \rby Sam Burchers, et al. Also, have the student do the \rcrossword and other word puzzles in SAT Vocabulary \rExpress, the fun book of word puzzles that will increase SAT \rscores. I wrote it with Michael Ashley, a nationally known \rpuzzler, so that our students would learn to play with words, \ran important skill for the new SAT.

6. Emphasize getting good grades rather than good SAT \rscores. Bs in honors classes are better than As in regular \rclasses.

7. Hire an independent college counselor who will work \rwith the family to create a realistic college list, brainstorm for \ressay topics, establish deadlines for the student, and check \rall college applications. High school college counselors \rare overworked and do not have the time to walk families \rthrough the process.

8. Realize that the schools parents attended may not be \rwithin reach for their child. The number of high school \rstudents planning to attend college has increased \rdramatically; the student may be well qualified for a \rparticular college and may still not get in.

9. Look for colleges where the student will thrive \racademically and socially. Choosing colleges based on \rtheir name recognition and prestige value is a formula that \rwill increase stress, not decrease it. Everyone else wants \rto go to those schools, too, making them even harder to get \rinto; they are not necessarily the best place for the student. \rLoren Pope¡¯s book, Colleges That Change Lives, is a good \rplace to start.

10. Support your child through a difficult process. Leave the \rprodding, nagging, and yelling to the tutors and college \rcounselor. The independent college counselor will tell the \rstudent to work harder so the parent doesn¡¯t have to. Why \rruin the student¡¯s last year at home?

Parents can make decisions so that senior year is not be so \rfraught with anxiety that family members begin to avoid each \rother. And, I hate it when my students cry.

Jacqueline Byrne\rAuthor, SAT Vocabulary Express (McGraw Hill, 10/04)\rPartner, Ivy Educational Services, Scotch Plains, New Jersey \rhttp://www.ivyeducationalservices.com